I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
