So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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