I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
