I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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