i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
