I wish my penis had an off switch
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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