she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
