another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
