I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
