Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
