so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
