I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
