Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
