GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
