I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I love you. Go after that dick
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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