I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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