We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
