I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
