i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Sober January is a disaster.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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