Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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