Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
