Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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