what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
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