If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
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