just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
