I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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