quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
