You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I have post one night stand depression
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