he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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