hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
