My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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