Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I need a beard to bite.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
