I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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