She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
