so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
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yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
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I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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