Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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