you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
