so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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