your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
