Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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