ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
