On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
