I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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