I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
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i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
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I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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