When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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