Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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