i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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