Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
