If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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