This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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