just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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