She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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