first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
