Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
