We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize