Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
