i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
