is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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