So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
