3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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