there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
