Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
