when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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