So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
