Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
