Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
