I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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