I'd wear matching sweaters with you
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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