You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize